Looking back, I have always been seeking for approval.
Since I was young, I wished to be invited to every birthday party, surrounded by friends at recess, and to be the student that teachers adored. I thought if I smiled big enough to everyone, I could be the most likable person in the room.
But, I was wrong.
No matter how much I smiled there were people who still accused, judged, and showed discomfort toward me. And I truly did nothing wrong, they just hated me for who I was, and that broke my heart.
Throughout my not so long life, I have been selfless, prioritizing others thoughts and feelings above mine. Now, I struggled to ask myself what my feelings are and felt the need to say yes to what others asked me to do.
It feels incredibly unfair that I have become selfless and I can’t even make people love me like I wished.
But also, it is not their fault for hating me, it is just that I can’t accept the fact that I can’t be liked. It takes time to realize that it is okay for people to not like you and even can be healthier for you when you embrace that fact.
As I stopped clinging on to the people that hated me, I found myself in a stable situation surrounded by people that understood me and loved me as who I was. As painful as it was to face rejection, I realized that I was holding on to something impossible—trying to win over people who were never meant to be part of my story. It was as if I was clinging on to a cactus, wishing it to lower its spikes on me, which is impossible.
I hope that you can also realize that it is okay for people to not like you. I advise you, once you let go of the fear, you would find yourself surrounded with the people who sees your worth and love you as you do.
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